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CHANGING THE WOUNDING WORDS THAT
OFTEN COME WITH ADOPTION
Please try to learn the correct wording when you are speaking about
adoption. Birthmothers are just that and no more or less. They are not
the "NATURAL" or "REAL" mother. If they were it
would make the adoptive parents "UNNATURAL" and "UNREAL" parent. Think about that for a moment.
As a Birthparent you do not "GIVE UP" or "GIVE AWAY"
a baby. Again, these have a negative connotation. Birthparents, "RELINQUISH"
or "PLACE" a baby for adoption. Most are trying to do what
is best for themselves and the baby. There is no giving up in any sense
of the word. Members of Concerned United Birthparents who are from closed
adoptions use the term "SURRENDER." I don't like this term,
but most CUB members feel strongly this is the best term to use. The
term "PUT UP" for adoption was used when children from the
Orphan Trains going West were "PUT UP" on cattle platforms
for viewing before being chosen. It is not an acceptable term either
as we no longer do this. (Please ask about the six Joan Lowry paperback
books which talk about the Orphan Train in novel form. These are well
written and worth having in a child's library. Also, Ellen has a sensitive
film for loan entitled "HEAVEN ON EARTH" which is a compelling
account of the British Orphan Train movement between 1867 and 1914 to
Canada.) It is available to rent in many video stores.
Positive Adoption Language (P.A.L.) is a concept pioneered thirty years
ago by Marietta Spencer, a social worker at the Children's Home Society
of Minnesota. It was refined in the last decade by a handful of adoption
advocates. P.A.L acknowledges the thoughtfulness and responsibility
of birthparents who make an adoption choice. Negative adoption language
tends to judge birthparents harshly or portrays them as victims. P.A.L.'s
more neutral vocabulary promotes understanding among members of the
adoption circle by acknowledging that each has experienced both gain
and loss and happiness and pain in the adoption process.
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